Keeping Faith in Times of Eschatological Tension

I've been living with a promise from God for a little while now. I think it's been the first time in my personal journey of faith that I have consciously known that God has promised me something and I have had to bide my time until it has been made real in the world.

It's been bloomin' hard!

Over the past few months I have been going through the application process for a Masters course at East 15 Acting School. Since I moved here at the beginning of 2008, East 15 has been on my radar. It's main campus is in the town that I used to work in and over the past 3 years I have met and worked with a number of different people who are students or graduates of several different courses at the school. Since the very beginning of my time down here, it has been on my heart. There were several opportunities that cropped up along the way, through my old job, to work with the school, but none came to fruition, and now it has all become abundantly clear why.

It was around January time that God planted the little seed in my heart that suggested I will study there and, through the many beautiful intricacies of his planning, His little seed has grown over the past few months, until now, today, it has burst into blossom. The beginning of this journey was a stepping out in obedience to what I felt God was suggesting, but for the last 4 weeks I have known that it was God's plan that I would study at East 15 from September this year.

During a time of worship at church about a month ago, God showed me a picture of me in a cocoon and that cocoon opening to release a butterfly which then flew around the campus of the school. I went to receive prayer ministry that evening, I guess in the hope that God would confirm what I had seen through someone else, instead, God said to me "you know My voice". Wow! He had absolutely told me that night that it was going to happen.

Of course, I still had to get through an interview that was scheduled for a few weeks hence.

The interview went well and I was told that I should expect a positive response. I was so excited but I was also really surprised and as I walked off campus I had another picture of the butterfly - God had promised it already, so why had I been so surprised?

In church a few days later a picture was given of a butterfly being released and I knew, again, that is was confirmation of what God was doing.

And finally, this morning, after so much waiting, I received an official letter offering me a place on the course. It has been perhaps the most torturous week, waiting for the the letter to arrive after my interview, but why? Again, God had already promised it so why the stress and unrest waiting for man's confirmation of what God had already ordained?

The penny dropped in the last couple of days that it is all about eschatological tension. The tension between the now and the not yet of the Kingdom. The tension that results from knowing the truth and reality of God's promise and waiting for that truth and reality to be made real on earth as it is in heaven. I was holding on to God's truth in the situation, to the reality and promise that He had shown me, whilst also having to wait for that promise and reality to be worked out in the ways of the world.

From this end looking backwards, it is so easy to say "well God had told you, you should just have had more faith in what He had already said." But when you are in the midst of the tension, it is so easy to let the voice of the enemy worm its way in, "He didn't really say that, you're just making up what you want to hear", "they could still turn you down", "you've not received an official letter yet because they've changed their mind".

I think we learn to know God's voice a little more and a little more each day, and with each incredible fulfilled promise our faith increases. Next time I find myself in the midst of the now and the not yet, I must try to remember the incredible journey I have just been on, to remember that God told me and He fulfilled what he had shown me. But of course, this particular journey isn't over yet, in fact, it has only really just begun...